You ask me, now I told yOu

What do yOu feel and what do you do when:

1. You have a terrible headache 24 hours per day. Equivalent to a knife stabbed into your head repeatedly. But you need to attend classes and revising for examination.
2. You walk for 10m and your knee and ankle were like rotating here and there cause you great pain.
3. You started to study, but your head like pounding hardly.
4. You wanted to do assignments, but your whole leg giving you terrible pain.
5. You wanted to focus in lecture, but you feel like metals knocking at your spine/back repeatedly.
6. You wanted to eat, wanted to write, wanted to type, but your shoulders are in great pain as you cannot hold your hands.
7. You wanted to go and play, but your leg injuries says no.
8. You cannot breath normally due to the chest pain.
9. You have terrible back pain 24 hours per day. You cannot stand longer, seat longer, lie down longer.
10. Your LP (lumbar puncture) side giving you a life threatening pain.
11. Your have terrible headache, and you cannot sleep at all.
12. You have 3 things from the above at the same moment.
13. You are on hols, and you wanted to do some house works, you wanted to help your mum, but you just cannot due to the pain, and you are frustrated and just lying all day long.

What did you do my dear friends, if you have some suggestions to help me :)
(except zikrullah..everyone knows that ;P )

Seems like over-describing. But this is a true reality, and not cerita dongengan realiti. In addition, to type all the posts you have read before, I have to fight with the pain first, only then I could post something to be shared.

Many of you always asked me, "what did you suffer of?" kind of questions. All the 13 facts above told you enough. Just the pain I suffer of since last 6 years and some of them is only for the past 4 years, but I did not state what are the diagnosis. I think it is more than enough.

I'm always being a listener to others. Few parts of me, I learn from him, especially about Patch Adams. Been working with him the whole year in CFS taught me lots(perhatian: Sila husnu dzon).

The part of being a good listener, also from him. Wait until they told you everything, do no cut, and do not compare their problem with yours [lesson number 1]. I keep this in mind. Whenever I hear others, especially about their light pain. I just could whisper in heart,

"moga diberi kekuatan hati untukmu, kerana ada yang lebih teruk darimu, sahabat.."

But it doesn't mean that you cannot share with me, or I'm tired listening to your problems, it is just a prayer and a hope for you to be tougher than now. I'm more into listening to others rather than telling about my pain, even to my close friends. But there's always an exception for rules. The same goes to me. There are some people who knows my problems, but of course not well enough. It is hard for me to share my pain and my sadness with others. Even with doctors ;)

Sometimes there are no reasons behind, sometimes there are reasons. In remembrance of this article, maybe one of the reasons is there. Sometimes I'm being so secretive. Readers, this is bad. Human needs others. It is true that all sadness are only to Him to be told, but we need friends to share, giving us opinion and calm us. That's really true. If you never try this before, please share. Sharing a happiness, your happiness will be widen. Sharing a sadness, your sadness will be reduce. This is the beauty of sharing. [Lesson number 2]

"You are not giving the chance to others."

I've heard this many times, and if and only if the people understand why I did not share. One of the reason, people will feel sorry (read: simpati) to you. And I cannot live with this. I cannot live to burden others.

Readers, please remember this, if a friend with terrible problems come to you, do not hold them if you already know that you cannot. Once they believe on you, they will keep searching for you later. Don't let it grows worsen when the time you really cannot afford to hear them, and need to teel them that you have to let go. This is bad, people will lost their spirits with people like you. End up, they become sharing-phobic (read: fobia nak share masalah dengan others)[Lesson number 3].

One more bad thing about me, I'm tired of the word 'sabar' saying by others to me. I know that I have to be patient, and I am now being patient, if not I cannot force myself to go to classes with pain, listening to lectures with great pain, binding my leg to reduce pain during revising session, stay calm with the pain in brain and not crying with all the things i suffered of.

I did not understand why, until when I'm having an usrah, one sister talk about patience.

"Jika ada sahabat yang ditimpa musibah, jangan terus minta dia bersabar, dia tahu dia perlu bersabar, cuma dia perlu diingatkan bahawa kesabaran itu perlu dikuatkan.."

Only then I understand why I cannot stand with the word 'sabar'. I learn that, for people receiving musibah especially continuous musibah, the best words for them adalah berbentuk kata-kata doa or request to up their level of patient [lesson number 4].

I started to have all this pain after mak passed away (note: mak is my aunty which is like a mum to me). Not emotionally related pain, maybe just coincidence. Dulu, ibu take care of her when she had liver cancer stage 4. After I suffered with the pain, only then I remember what ibu always told me,

"Bile dengan orang sakit ni, kita sendiri kena banyak sabar. Mood diorang lain, mudah marah, mudah terasa sebab dia tengah sakit. Kita yang tak sakit, kena faham, jangan sama-sama melenting dengan dia." [Lesson number 5]

I understand this matter more, only when people give me pressure during I'm in a great pain. I tend to feel infuriate (read: geram). Thus, after that I always have myself to be alone when I'm in pain. Try not to affect others. My apology for those who ever got the effect of my pain ;) Eh, orang lain pulak yang dapat complication :D

Tingat dia pernah pesan,

"orang sakit perlu belaian perasaan, kurang penggunaan akal."

What I understand from penggunaan akal here is, you cannot talk much about things they need to think. They are in pain, if you give them something heavy to understand, they will be in pressure state. The best is to give 'belaian perasaan'. I do not care what you want to understand from this term, up to you. Huhu.

Readers, I did not mean to set a limit, the thing which I uncomfortable with, did not indicate the same goes to other people. I am not a limitator. But the beauty of da'wah fardhiah is to know your mad'u. Understand the person and the condition, only then you can act. [Lesson number 6]

Pesan dia lagi dalam berdakwah atau menasihati yang ditimpa musibah,

"dalam berkata tu, pertimbangkan akal dan perasaan..kadang2 orang dah tengok kita nye hujah dah elok..tapi tengok cara kita berhujah tu, tak kena gaya...terus patah hati. Islam agama yang meraikan akal dan perasaan..dua2 kena seimbang.."

I do feel that his statement is good enough to describe what he meant.

And I admit that, there are some times where I lost control of myself. I am really down with the pain. It get to me 24 hours a day, all together, not one by one. It drives me crazy sometimes, and drives me to give a sigh. It is not indicating that I did not believe in Him, did not feel His love, it is just there are times where I'm in the state of 'akan terlepas jua'. But I take this as normal, I try to get back myself to the path, it's kind of hard, but I know that I need to. And of course needs time. Cuma, jangan ambil masa yang terlalu lama, kamu akan hanyut dengan arus. And that is what I really afraid of.

We always hear people telling us their problems, sometimes the problems are little in your eyes, but remember, only the person who suffers, knows better. Please do not underestimate others' musibah. And remember, each person has their own level of musibah. Please behold on Allah's words; "La yukallifuLLahu nafsan illa wus'aha.."

He wont give to you the musibah unless the things which are bearable to you. Please have a lot of smiles everyday regardless of your hard life. Please be tough, may Allah ease your path. Ameen. Indeed He is very much loving to us.

'senyum di waktu susah tanda ketabahan, senyuman itu tanda keimanan...'

I leave you guys with the words, anything you did not understand, you can get back to me, please do not make your own assumption. Thanks for reading until here, you are great enough to be a good listener ;P

Till then, barakallahu lakum

wassalam