cloudy days..

im FOBIA of driving again. So many things in mind lately, I always made an emergency break. Im fobia of driving. Hilang sudah pemanduan berhemah yang sahabat-sahabat gemar lihat dulu.

Minda terawang-awang. Day to day, things worsen. Everything. I'm tired of lying to my ownself. I'm a thinking person, all the bads and goods things mixed up leading my mind to wondering all day especially masa driving.

I dun have the courage to drive again sejak peristiwa last tuesday, and I wonder what the days will be, camne nak berulang-alik ke sana setiap pagi dan pulang setiap petang starting this Monday. Sejak belajar driving past 4 years, sejak tu minda asyik mengelamun time drive, terutama bile sakit teruk.

Sometimes rasa cukup kuat, but I think sume fake. I smile, but always smile with a broken heart. Smiling with pain, laughing with pain, just to make others comfort. Sekadar sedapkan hati semua orang. It hurts me lots.

And now, I'm forcing myself to throw my feelings. Kamu selalu bertanya, mungkin post yang sebelum ni cukup puaskan hati kamu. Kamu juga salu paksa saya bercerita, mari saya bercerita sekarang, kamu dengar.

Memang saya cukup kuat, sekadar kuat untuk berpura-pura kuat di depan kamu pun sudah memadai. Fighting with my ownself, we will see who wins the battle.

Pagi-pagi nanti pulang ke tempat mengaji, sepatutnya pulang lusa. But I wanted to go there earlier, I'm a broken hearted person. I cannot stay here and thinking and thinking and thinking all day, tak sanggup. It is better to stay there, working and thinking, working and thinking. At least the word thinking reduced.

Ape motif entry ni.. I made a mistake now based on here.

Lesson number 7 : do not read this kind of post ;D

driving-phobic and sahabat-phobic, do not hold people when you cannot, and please make it clearer, earlier. Lesson number 8.

Harapnye dua post ni menjawab semua persoalan kamu..no further questions, thank yOu :)

Ya Allah..ringankanlah..ighfirli ya Rabbi..