InshaAllah

When you say something or giving a promise, in anything, dont forget to say InshaAllah, only with His willing.

FIRMAN ALLAH-
"Dan jangan sekali-kali kamu mengatakan terhadap sesuatu: "Sesungguhnya aku akan mengerjakan itu besok pagi, kecuali (dengan menyebut): "INSYA ALLAH". Dan ingatlah kepada Tuhanmu jika kamu lupa dan katakanlah: "Mudah-mudahan Tuhanku akan memberiku petunjuk kepada yang lebih dekat kebenarannya daripada ini".
[SURAH AL KAHFI 23-24]


Apabila Nabi SAW ditanya oleh musyrikin Mekah tentang 3 perkara: pemuda yang memasuki gua di zaman awal, lelaki yang berjalan sehingga ke timur dan barat bumi dan tentang roh. Nabi menjawab: ‘Saya jawab soalan kamu esok’ tanpa menyebut insyaAllah. Selama 15 malam Nabi menunggu wahyu tanpa jawapan, sehingga penduduk Mekah gempar dengan perkara tersebut. Akhirnya Jibril turun membawa surah al-Kahfi. (Tafsir al-Munir; juz 15 ms 215)

Dalam satu hadis Nabi SAW bersabda: ‘Nabi Sulaiman bin Daud berkata: ‘Aku akan berkeliling malam ini kepada 70 perempuan-dalam satu riwayat 100 perempuan- setiap perempuan dari mereka akan melahirkan anak lelaki yang berperang untuk agama Allah.’ Dikatakan kepadanya-dalam satu riwayat: Malaikat berkata kepadanya: Katakan: ‘InsyaAllah’ tetapi Nabi Sulaiman tidak menyebutkannya. Baginda berkeliling kepada semua isterinya itu. Akhirnya semuanya tidak melahirkan melainkan seorang wanita, itupun ‘separuh manusia’ (Dalam hadis disebut: nisf insan). Nabi SAW bersabda: ‘Demi diriku yang berada ditanganNya! Jika Nabi Sulaiman berkata: ‘InsyaAllah, ia tidak membatalkan sumpahnya dan tentu ia akan dapat apa yang ia hajati’ dalam satu riwayat: ‘Tentu mereka semua berperang fi sabilillah sebagai pejuang semuanya.’ (Tafsir al-Munir; juz 15 ms 228)

Thus, do not foget to say InshaAllah..nampak mudah dan remeh, namum impaknya besar dan menunjukkan pergantungan kita padaNya. InshaAllah, wallahu'alam

cloudy days..

im FOBIA of driving again. So many things in mind lately, I always made an emergency break. Im fobia of driving. Hilang sudah pemanduan berhemah yang sahabat-sahabat gemar lihat dulu.

Minda terawang-awang. Day to day, things worsen. Everything. I'm tired of lying to my ownself. I'm a thinking person, all the bads and goods things mixed up leading my mind to wondering all day especially masa driving.

I dun have the courage to drive again sejak peristiwa last tuesday, and I wonder what the days will be, camne nak berulang-alik ke sana setiap pagi dan pulang setiap petang starting this Monday. Sejak belajar driving past 4 years, sejak tu minda asyik mengelamun time drive, terutama bile sakit teruk.

Sometimes rasa cukup kuat, but I think sume fake. I smile, but always smile with a broken heart. Smiling with pain, laughing with pain, just to make others comfort. Sekadar sedapkan hati semua orang. It hurts me lots.

And now, I'm forcing myself to throw my feelings. Kamu selalu bertanya, mungkin post yang sebelum ni cukup puaskan hati kamu. Kamu juga salu paksa saya bercerita, mari saya bercerita sekarang, kamu dengar.

Memang saya cukup kuat, sekadar kuat untuk berpura-pura kuat di depan kamu pun sudah memadai. Fighting with my ownself, we will see who wins the battle.

Pagi-pagi nanti pulang ke tempat mengaji, sepatutnya pulang lusa. But I wanted to go there earlier, I'm a broken hearted person. I cannot stay here and thinking and thinking and thinking all day, tak sanggup. It is better to stay there, working and thinking, working and thinking. At least the word thinking reduced.

Ape motif entry ni.. I made a mistake now based on here.

Lesson number 7 : do not read this kind of post ;D

driving-phobic and sahabat-phobic, do not hold people when you cannot, and please make it clearer, earlier. Lesson number 8.

Harapnye dua post ni menjawab semua persoalan kamu..no further questions, thank yOu :)

Ya Allah..ringankanlah..ighfirli ya Rabbi..

You ask me, now I told yOu

What do yOu feel and what do you do when:

1. You have a terrible headache 24 hours per day. Equivalent to a knife stabbed into your head repeatedly. But you need to attend classes and revising for examination.
2. You walk for 10m and your knee and ankle were like rotating here and there cause you great pain.
3. You started to study, but your head like pounding hardly.
4. You wanted to do assignments, but your whole leg giving you terrible pain.
5. You wanted to focus in lecture, but you feel like metals knocking at your spine/back repeatedly.
6. You wanted to eat, wanted to write, wanted to type, but your shoulders are in great pain as you cannot hold your hands.
7. You wanted to go and play, but your leg injuries says no.
8. You cannot breath normally due to the chest pain.
9. You have terrible back pain 24 hours per day. You cannot stand longer, seat longer, lie down longer.
10. Your LP (lumbar puncture) side giving you a life threatening pain.
11. Your have terrible headache, and you cannot sleep at all.
12. You have 3 things from the above at the same moment.
13. You are on hols, and you wanted to do some house works, you wanted to help your mum, but you just cannot due to the pain, and you are frustrated and just lying all day long.

What did you do my dear friends, if you have some suggestions to help me :)
(except zikrullah..everyone knows that ;P )

Seems like over-describing. But this is a true reality, and not cerita dongengan realiti. In addition, to type all the posts you have read before, I have to fight with the pain first, only then I could post something to be shared.

Many of you always asked me, "what did you suffer of?" kind of questions. All the 13 facts above told you enough. Just the pain I suffer of since last 6 years and some of them is only for the past 4 years, but I did not state what are the diagnosis. I think it is more than enough.

I'm always being a listener to others. Few parts of me, I learn from him, especially about Patch Adams. Been working with him the whole year in CFS taught me lots(perhatian: Sila husnu dzon).

The part of being a good listener, also from him. Wait until they told you everything, do no cut, and do not compare their problem with yours [lesson number 1]. I keep this in mind. Whenever I hear others, especially about their light pain. I just could whisper in heart,

"moga diberi kekuatan hati untukmu, kerana ada yang lebih teruk darimu, sahabat.."

But it doesn't mean that you cannot share with me, or I'm tired listening to your problems, it is just a prayer and a hope for you to be tougher than now. I'm more into listening to others rather than telling about my pain, even to my close friends. But there's always an exception for rules. The same goes to me. There are some people who knows my problems, but of course not well enough. It is hard for me to share my pain and my sadness with others. Even with doctors ;)

Sometimes there are no reasons behind, sometimes there are reasons. In remembrance of this article, maybe one of the reasons is there. Sometimes I'm being so secretive. Readers, this is bad. Human needs others. It is true that all sadness are only to Him to be told, but we need friends to share, giving us opinion and calm us. That's really true. If you never try this before, please share. Sharing a happiness, your happiness will be widen. Sharing a sadness, your sadness will be reduce. This is the beauty of sharing. [Lesson number 2]

"You are not giving the chance to others."

I've heard this many times, and if and only if the people understand why I did not share. One of the reason, people will feel sorry (read: simpati) to you. And I cannot live with this. I cannot live to burden others.

Readers, please remember this, if a friend with terrible problems come to you, do not hold them if you already know that you cannot. Once they believe on you, they will keep searching for you later. Don't let it grows worsen when the time you really cannot afford to hear them, and need to teel them that you have to let go. This is bad, people will lost their spirits with people like you. End up, they become sharing-phobic (read: fobia nak share masalah dengan others)[Lesson number 3].

One more bad thing about me, I'm tired of the word 'sabar' saying by others to me. I know that I have to be patient, and I am now being patient, if not I cannot force myself to go to classes with pain, listening to lectures with great pain, binding my leg to reduce pain during revising session, stay calm with the pain in brain and not crying with all the things i suffered of.

I did not understand why, until when I'm having an usrah, one sister talk about patience.

"Jika ada sahabat yang ditimpa musibah, jangan terus minta dia bersabar, dia tahu dia perlu bersabar, cuma dia perlu diingatkan bahawa kesabaran itu perlu dikuatkan.."

Only then I understand why I cannot stand with the word 'sabar'. I learn that, for people receiving musibah especially continuous musibah, the best words for them adalah berbentuk kata-kata doa or request to up their level of patient [lesson number 4].

I started to have all this pain after mak passed away (note: mak is my aunty which is like a mum to me). Not emotionally related pain, maybe just coincidence. Dulu, ibu take care of her when she had liver cancer stage 4. After I suffered with the pain, only then I remember what ibu always told me,

"Bile dengan orang sakit ni, kita sendiri kena banyak sabar. Mood diorang lain, mudah marah, mudah terasa sebab dia tengah sakit. Kita yang tak sakit, kena faham, jangan sama-sama melenting dengan dia." [Lesson number 5]

I understand this matter more, only when people give me pressure during I'm in a great pain. I tend to feel infuriate (read: geram). Thus, after that I always have myself to be alone when I'm in pain. Try not to affect others. My apology for those who ever got the effect of my pain ;) Eh, orang lain pulak yang dapat complication :D

Tingat dia pernah pesan,

"orang sakit perlu belaian perasaan, kurang penggunaan akal."

What I understand from penggunaan akal here is, you cannot talk much about things they need to think. They are in pain, if you give them something heavy to understand, they will be in pressure state. The best is to give 'belaian perasaan'. I do not care what you want to understand from this term, up to you. Huhu.

Readers, I did not mean to set a limit, the thing which I uncomfortable with, did not indicate the same goes to other people. I am not a limitator. But the beauty of da'wah fardhiah is to know your mad'u. Understand the person and the condition, only then you can act. [Lesson number 6]

Pesan dia lagi dalam berdakwah atau menasihati yang ditimpa musibah,

"dalam berkata tu, pertimbangkan akal dan perasaan..kadang2 orang dah tengok kita nye hujah dah elok..tapi tengok cara kita berhujah tu, tak kena gaya...terus patah hati. Islam agama yang meraikan akal dan perasaan..dua2 kena seimbang.."

I do feel that his statement is good enough to describe what he meant.

And I admit that, there are some times where I lost control of myself. I am really down with the pain. It get to me 24 hours a day, all together, not one by one. It drives me crazy sometimes, and drives me to give a sigh. It is not indicating that I did not believe in Him, did not feel His love, it is just there are times where I'm in the state of 'akan terlepas jua'. But I take this as normal, I try to get back myself to the path, it's kind of hard, but I know that I need to. And of course needs time. Cuma, jangan ambil masa yang terlalu lama, kamu akan hanyut dengan arus. And that is what I really afraid of.

We always hear people telling us their problems, sometimes the problems are little in your eyes, but remember, only the person who suffers, knows better. Please do not underestimate others' musibah. And remember, each person has their own level of musibah. Please behold on Allah's words; "La yukallifuLLahu nafsan illa wus'aha.."

He wont give to you the musibah unless the things which are bearable to you. Please have a lot of smiles everyday regardless of your hard life. Please be tough, may Allah ease your path. Ameen. Indeed He is very much loving to us.

'senyum di waktu susah tanda ketabahan, senyuman itu tanda keimanan...'

I leave you guys with the words, anything you did not understand, you can get back to me, please do not make your own assumption. Thanks for reading until here, you are great enough to be a good listener ;P

Till then, barakallahu lakum

wassalam

Akhbar Dulu dan Kini

Rentetan penulisan seorang sahabat, saya teringatkan isu ini. Isu akhbar dulu dan kini.

Situasi zaman awal penubuhan syarikat akhbar:

Semua penerbitan waktu dulu sangat digeruni kerana akhbar sangat bebas menyuarakan apa sahaja, seperti yang diceritakan di dalam buku teks Sejarah. Terasnya untuk agama, bangsa dan watan Melayu inilah yang menakutkan penjajah. Begitu juga bagaimana tegarnya wartawan dulu membela umat Melayu hanya melalui penulisan.

Masyarakat waktu dulu sangat menyayangi akhbar-akhbar ini kerana pembesar waktu dulu sangat gerun dengan para wartawan. Tidak kira pihak penjajah atau pembesar Melayu sendiri.

Dulu, penulisan wartawan ibarat peluru hinggakan ahli politik ramai yang datang untuk mendapatkan pandangan. Malahan waktu dulu, wartawan berani memarahi menteri-menteri. Bagi para pembesar, salah satu kerja bodoh adalah bergaduh dengan wartawan!

Akhbar-akhbar terus gah bebas mewakili suara rakyat hinggalah negara kita merdeka. Betapa rindunya saya kepada zaman kegemilangan akhbar, garangnya mereka bersuara, beraninya mereka! Zaman-zaman Pak Kajai, Pak Sako, Pak Said dan sebagainya lagi, walaupun hanya mengenali kebanyakan mereka melalui buku teks Sejarah.

Situasi akhbar hari ini:

Sejak penguasaan parti politik dalam penerbitan akhbar terutamanya akhbar ini sejak 1961, peluru-peluru penulisan semakin menghilang. Jika tiada yang tahu, ingin saya khabarkan di sini mengenai mogok yang dijalankan oleh pekerja akhbar ini selama dua bulan diketuai oleh Pak said, Ketua Pengarang ketika itu.

Ramai wartawan terluka dengan campur tangan politik ini.

Akhbar yang dulunya bebas bersuara mewakili masyarakat kini seolah dirampas penanya. Malah Usman Awang turut sama menyertai mogok dan lari meninggalkan syarikat akhbar tersebut.

Ramai yang kecewa, namun ada juga yang masih tinggal meneruskan saki baki perjuangan dalam penulisan akhbar. Namun, seperti mana yang kita dapat lihat kini, mereka bersuara untuk masyarakat dan agama, namun mereka dilingkungi satu garisan yang bertindak sebagai penanda aras kebebasan bersuara. Mereka tidak boleh mencakar kuasa politik yang memerintah negara, kuasa politik yang juga menjadi penaung syarikat akhbar!

Corak penulisan yang semakin prejudis dan bias buat masyarakat semakin sedih dan kecewa terutama golongan intelektual. Tidak kurang juga yang tertipu. Ramai jua yang geram marah dan sebagainya. Profession wartawan semakin diejek masyarakat.

Namun, dalam kita menyalahkan mereka, kita juga perlu melahirkan sikap empati. Sedarkah kita mereka juga tersepit dan terhimpit. Hak menulis yang dilingkari kuasa politik, saya yakin mereka jua tertekan, malah lebih tertekan daripada pembaca!

Sejak March lepas, suasana politik semakin berubah, rakyat jua makin matang menilai dan semakin berani. Tentunya para wartawan hanya menunggu masa untuk melepaskan diri daripada pelukan politik dunia. Pelukan yang menyakitkan bak kata seorang wartawan.

Walaupun ini bukan bidang yang saya ceburi, tetap harapan saya tinggi untuk melihat profession ini kembali semula berani dan garang melontar peluru-peluru hebat. Tanpa kekangan politik, tidak kira mana-mana pihak sekalipun, mewakili masyarakat serta memberi informasi tepat tanpa bias dan prejudis. Saya harap.

MALAYSIA BOLEH!


nota: Entri ini ditulis ketika berada di pejabat abang. Diberi kemudahan lengkap berupa meja pekerja dengan komputer berjaringan supaya saya duduk diam-diam. Sibuknya saya menaip, sama sibuk dengan staff2 beliau menaip. Malah lebih sibuk lagi saya!

Tawakkal itu didahului dengan usaha!

Nota: Sila baca entri ini dengan minda terbuka. Maaf jika kali ini saya terlalu terbuka. saya kira negara ini masih negara demokrasi. Mungkin ;)

Saya tidak suka melihat berita di waktu prima. Buat saya makin buntu dan sesak dada. Ini lagi satu isu yang suka nak saya sentuh. Kerna ia pernah melibatkan saya. Isu baju sekolah pelajar perempuan yang seksi dan menyumbang kepada berlakunya kes rogol. Di sini dan di sini.

Menjauhi blog selama beberapa hari, mendekati berita waktu prima pula. Tertarik akan isu ini. Sepanjang melihat komenan menteri-menteri di kaca televisyen, kesemuanya menyalahkan perogol. Memang salah perogol tuh, tapi sekurang-kurangnya ada usaha kita untuk mengelakkan berlakunya perkara ini. Lebih mulia sesuatu kegagalan itu apabila telah disertai usaha.

Jika dibaca di sini, katanya
"luahan daripada orang ramai dan pihak-pihak tertentu yang mengatakan pakaian seragam pelajar perempuan seksi diserahkan kepada para pegawai di kementeriannya yang pakar mengenai perkara itu untuk memikir dan mengkajinya"

Saya fikir, yang paling pakar dalam hal ini adalah mereka yang memakai baju warna putih itu sendiri, iaitu pelajar perempuan itu sendiri. Bukan pegawai-pegawai di kementerian. Apa kata ambil pendapat pelajar secara rawak daripada pelbagai jenis sekolah dan kawasan. Alamak, mesti dikatakan mereka leceh pula. Kan? :P

Sejak Darjah 4 baju sekolah saya sudah bertukar kepada ungu. Kasut pun bertukar kepada warna hitam. Jadi, saya ingat-ingat lupa memori baju putih di sekolah rendah. Masuk Tingkatan 1, saya ingat lagi, sakit jiwa dibuatnya hendak mencari baju putih yang tidak nampak warna kulit. Susah!

Dan akhirnya memang tidak dijumpai melainkan kain tebal, itupun masih nampak. Tak percaya? Boleh cuba pergi ke hospital dan lihat baju para jururawat. Susah hendak saya jumpa baju jururawat yang tidak telus nampak. Akhirnya setiap hari saya lapisi dengan baju lain sebelum menyarungkan baju putih sekolah.

Saya sekali lagi terselamat daripada baju putih itu apabila ditawarkan oleh pihak sekolah untuk menyarungkan baju biru sebulan kemudian. Selamat. Rasa sangat selesa ke sana ke mari dengan baju sekolah yang bukan berwarna putih.

Di sini telah masuk dua isu, menutup aurat dan melindungi diri dari perogol. Menutup aurat itu yang paling utama kerana rata-rata baju sekolah itu jarang. Paling kurang pun, ada usaha untuk melindungi diri. Melainkan hendak memaksa kesemua pelajar perempuan memakai dua lapis baju. Tapi, sanggupkah guru disiplin yang seorang itu hendak memastikan semua ini diikuti? Dan patuhkah semua pelajar? Ataupun pakai sahaja tudung labuh. ;)

Di sini memang saya mahu cadangkan supaya sekolah-sekolah kerajaan mencontohi sekolah-sekolah swasta yang warna bajunya bukan berwarna putih. Ataupun contohi warna baju sekolah-sekolah di luar negara. Juga, wajibkan tudung buat pelajar beragama Islam. Saya sendiri pernah merasa tersiksa dengan baju putih itu!

Lebih dihormati diri wanita yang dirogol jika pakaian mereka seperti yang disyariatkan oleh Islam. Itu namanya sudah berusaha, daripada bulat-bulat berserah pada takdir. Bukankah tawakkal itu selepas berusaha bersungguh-sungguh..?? Adik darjah satu pun tahu agaknya ;P

Memang terbeban bagi mereka yang berasal daripada keluarga yang susah. Perkara ini tidak dapat tidak memang boleh dibantu dengan dana. Jangan nafikan! Tambahan pula, ia tidak perlu dilakukan secara tergesa-gesa. Beri masa kepada ibu bapa, dimulakan pada sesi persekolahan tahun depan pun sudah baik.

Sebelum kelima-lima jari menuding kesalahan pada perogol, lihat dulu apa yang telah kita lakukan. Usaha kita dan pengaruh media sendiri.

Ini belum masuk isu pakaian remaja masa kini dan lain-lain lagi. Oh dunia..jika dikumpul semuanya, sudah cukup layakkah negara ini menjadi negara Islam..??

wallahu'alam

Jangan sejarah berulang kembali..

"Kalau dia depress sangat, jangan sampai dia buat semula 13 Mei.." Kata Abang Mazni kepada saya ketika bertemu beliau di rumah ibunya di Ampang.

Saya mengangkat muka memandang beliau. Memang kata-kata beliau ditujukan kepada pergolakan politik di Malaysia, terutamanya kepada kerajaan yang memerintah sekarang. [sila baca suratkhabar ye, tidak perlu diulas di sini, terlalu banyak..]

Kemudiannya pertanyaan diajukan kepada ayah. Kejadian tersebut berdekatan dengan rumah arwah nenek di kuala yang berlumpur [read: Kuala Lumpur].

"Ayah tengok kan 13 Mei tu depan mata ayah. Mesti ayah tau sebenarnye pe jadi. Betul ke apa dalam buku teks sejarah tu?" Tanya saya.

Cerita mengenai 13 Mei, ayah buka kembali. Kata ayah DAP menang besar ketika itu. Perarakan diadakan sempena kemenangan mereka. Bila sebut DAP, mestilah kaum Cina. Kebetulan pula ketika itu, ada juga komunis yang menyertai perarakan tersebut.

Kaum Melayu yang sudah sedia geram dengan kemenangan tersebut, makin marah apabila melihat komunis turut serta. Kata ayah, tiada cacian daripada mereka yang menyertai perarakan tersebut seperti yang dinyatakan di sini. Tetapi segalanya dimulakan kaum Melayu.

Kata ayah lagi pelbagai jenis silat, lembing, parang dan sebagainya di bawa ke hulu hilir ketika itu. Semuanya dimulakan kaum Melayu. Haiz..

Makanya, siapa yang kutuk siapa...? Perlu saya percayai buku teks sejarah atau percayai ayah yang melihat dengan matanya. Hmm...

Tapi apa yang terjadi kini pernah disebut oleh seorang ulama'. Cuma lega hati ini mendengarkan tiada pertumpahan darah akan berlaku. InshaAllah.

Mungkin saya rabun mengenai politik, namun tidak saya buta. Saya memerhati dan menilai. Terkadang terasa seperti keanakan. Tidak kiralah di pihak mana pun. Apa yang haq tetap haq, apa yang batil tetap batil.

Sedarkah mereka ramai yang memerhatikan..?? Kalau sedar agaknya takkan begini jadinya..


p/s: Sejarah itu bosan, namun kita juga adalah sebahagian daripada sejarah!


wallahu'alam

Langit Biru

Setenang Langit Biru

Langit biru tinggi
Tanda wujudnya Ilahi
Mengapa diri masih tidak mengerti
Adanya Zat yang mengasihi

Sebesar zarah permintaan hati
Tidak pernah lepas Dia perhati
Dia, Zat yang menyayangi

Dirimu, adakah ikhlas cinta ini?
Cinta pada Pemilik hati
Sedangkan kasihNya melebihi
Kasih hambaNya yang jauh pergi

Kembalilah, kuatkan hati!
Tiada yang lebih dekat di hati
Melainkan Dia, Rabbi.


-nurilahi-

The Yellow Leaf

Kau lihatlah daun ini kawan.

Waktu hidup, ia menikmatinya puas-puas, hijaunya meriah, ia menghirup cahaya matahari dan menari dalam irama pawana.

Waktu matinya, ia gugur dengan rela, tidak menyesal, kuningnya anggun, ia tetap menari-nari bersama pawana sementara cahaya matahari memandikannya.

Aku mahu seperti itu. Lari, menangguh-nangguhkan maut seolah ia begitu pahit dan mengundang takut, bukan caranya begitu jika mahu berangkat dengan jiwa merdeka serta gembira.

"Every soul will taste death, and you will only be given your [full] compensation on the Day of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion." [ali imran: 118]

MH series 0005

Edited series

It was something to be shared, I got this from my blog’s comment form, for the entry ‘MH series 0003’ and I would like to add up something. Here it goes, from dinousar :)

the CT Scan machine

“totally agree :) I went for nose scanning-CT Scan. the procedure require patient to swallow 10 tabs corticosteroid, 12hrs b4 and 12 hrs after for patient having history of allergy. prophylaxis of corticosteroids only needed for scanning procedures which need contrast. Based on my experience, I know CT scan for nose didn't need contrast. Having background of pharmacy, I don’t want to experience unnecessary adverse effect of corticosteroids so I lied about my history and successfully avoid the unnecessary procedure. :) “

1) Prophylaxis = an advance guard or a measure taken for the prevention of a disease or condition.

2) Corticosteroid = have great potential in the treatment of a variety of conditions, from rashes to lupus to asthma. But corticosteroids also carry a risk of side effects. It was use to avoid allergy reaction due to the usage of contrast media on patient with history of allergy. Prednisolone also could be use.

Alhamdulillah this patient has the background knowledge. Corticosteroid only should be given to patient with history of allergy, itupun if there's a usage of contrast media during the CT scanning. If it is just a plain CT, the need for corticosteroid is not arise. Corticosteroid will give side effects, thus if it is not necessary, please don't give extra harm to patients.

Wallahu'alam..

Kampung Tujuh warna

Kinabalu view from Kampung Tujuh Warna, right before Maghrib

tinggi-tinggi gunung kinabalu
tinggi lagi sayang sama kamu
biru-biru gunung kinabalu
tengok dari jauh hati saya rindu

kinabalu dekat di kundasang
banyak sayur boleh pilih-pilih
apa guna pergi luar negeri
dari kinabalu hati saya rindu
Saya rindu!

Lagu yang adik adik di sabah ajarkan pada saya. Panjang, tapi saya lupa. Adik-adik yang sangat mesra, mengulang-ulang lagu hingga serak suara :) terima kasih!

Dalam perjalanan pulang dari Taman Negara Kinabalu, singgah di sebuah kampung, masih di area Kundasang. Permandangannya sangat cantik dan of course sangat sejuk. Betul-betul menghadap Gunung Kinabalu. [refer gambar di atas]

Nasib kami baik kerana jika terlewat sedikit, awan akan menutupi pemandangan. Nama kampung tu Kampung Tujuh Warna. Ada sebab di sebalik namanya. Tujuh warna itu diambil sempena keberadaan pelangi setiap petang sebelum maghrib di kampung tersebut. hari-hari tiap- tiap petang..huu..sangat menarik..
Ni antara gambarnya..

Awan semakin menutupi

Tujuh warna itu diambil sempena keberadaan pelangi setiap petang sebelum maghrib di kampung tersebut. hari-hari tiap- tiap petang..huu..sangat menarik..
Ni antara gambarnya..

kejadian 'alam, semuanya indah..subhanaLLah..

"Sesungguhnya pada kejadian langit dan bumi; dan (pada) pertukaran malam dan siang; dan (pada) kapal-kapal yang belayar di laut dengan membawa benda-benda yang bermanfaat kepada manusia; demikian juga (pada) air hujan yang Allah turunkan dari langit lalu Allah hidupkan dengannya tumbuh-tumbuhan di bumi sesudah matinya, serta Ia biakkan padanya dari berbagai-bagai jenis binatang; demikian juga (pada) peredaran angin dan awan yang tunduk (kepada kuasa Allah) terapung-apung di antara langit dengan bumi; sesungguhnya (pada semuanya itu)ada tanda-tanda (yang membuktikan keesaan Allah kekuasaanNya, kebijaksanaan Nya, dan keluasan rahmatNya) bagi kaum yang (mahu)menggunakan akal fikiran."

(AlBaqarah:164)


wallahu'alam

Day to Day

Makin hari makin teruk
Ketahanan makin turun
Harapnya jiwa tidak runtun..

membentuk jiwa yang baru
alangkah gagalnya aku

Ya Allah..
Sesungguhnya
diriku dan kesakitan ini
dariMu ia datang
dan kepadaMu ia kembali..

The Usage of High Kilovoltage(kV) In Chest Imaging (CXR) and comparison with Abdominal Imaging (AXR)

Bismillah..

Below is my own writing with references. During the completion of this task I was searching for the information everywhere especially in journals, but there wasn't any which discuss specifically on this issue. So I jas wanted to have it here in case if any medical imaging student or anyone make a search on this topic in google, yahoo etc, thus, at least they can have it here.

This article is just focusing on why for CXR there is a need of high kV usage and its justification. And also inserted together a simple comparison between CXR and AXR as for AXR needs moderate kV. Thus, no related pathology and deep anatomy being discussed here. Considering that I got 9/10 marks for this article, so I am confident to share it with the world for reference, for the sake of sharing the knowledge, as sharing is caring.

For non-medical imaging related person, you can read if you want and ask me for any part which is not understandable. But I think you will get bored to read this. Huu..here it goes, wassalam


The Usage of High Kilovoltage(kV) In Chest Imaging (CXR) and comparison with Abdominal Imaging (AXR) using Conventional Imaging Machine.

INTRODUCTION

Chest x-ray (CXR) is the most common radiographic procedure. It is the upper part of the trunk or known as thorax, situated between neck and abdomen. For imaging purposes, it was divided into three parts which are the bony thorax, the respiratory system and the mediastinum.

The bony system refers to the bones which provide a protective framework for thoracic part which involved with breathing and blood circulation, those parts of the chest which consist the lungs and organs contained in mediastinum. The part of the skeletal system which related to this is the sternum, two clavicles, two scapulae, twelve pair of ribs and twelve thoracic vertebras.

For respiratory system, it was where the exchange of gaseous substances between the airs we gasp and the bloodstream. The four main parts are the pharynx, trachea, bronchi and lungs. One of the important structures is the diaphragm. Mediastinum is the medial portion of the thoracic cavity between the lungs; it is including the thymus gland, heart with great vessels, trachea and esophagus.

Image produced from CXR should be able to visualize lungs and mediastinal structures. Besides that, for general PA CXR, outlines of the mid and upper vertebrae and posterior ribs through the heart and other mediastinal structures should be at least seen on the radiographs.

THE USE OF HIGH KV TECHNIQUE

The primary controlling factor for contrast in film-based imaging is kilovoltage (kV). KV controlled the quantity and quality of the x-ray beam. The higher the kV the greater the energy and the more uniformly the x-ray beam penetrates the various mass densities of all tissues. When kV is increased, the speed and energy of the electrons applied across the x-ray tube will increase.

High kV is used when different tissue types are being imaged (bone, soft tissue, etc). And so, the general requirement for CXR is high kV. This requires high kV around 110 to 125. For kV more than 70, the interactions between tissues are predominantly Compton Scattering and image formation relies on the primary beam being scattered away from the image plane through the body. The main argument here for high kV technique in CXR is the reduction of the bone structures that are superimposed on lung structures.

High kV depends on different electron densities between tissues. Compton scatter influence the image formation while the subject contrast depends on electron density (between tissues) not the atomic number, which initiate the reduction of soft tissue differences. Thus, bone appears more transparent allowing features behind to be observed. This property being applied in CXR as the rib cage will appear more transparent.

Therefore, higher kV produced less variation in attenuation (differential absorption) resulting in lower contrast. Adequate contrast is necessitated in order to demonstrate the many different shades of gray needed to visualize the different tissue composition in chest. Low contrast is required due to the different substances composed by the three division of the chest which has been stated earlier. The compositions of the chest determine its radiographic appearance, thus imaging parameter have to be adjusted to adapt with these features.

High kV technique gives fast exposure times which freeze motion (movement unsharpness) due to either patient movement (during arrested inspiration) or cardiac motion. Besides that, in the standard textbook on diagnosis of diseases of the chest, Fraser et al state that two main advantages of the high kV technique for CXR are better penetration of the mediastinum and reduction of the visibility of the ribs relative to the lung structures. Easy penetration of the mediastinal regions is the valuable diagnostic property of high kV CXR.

If CXR done with lower kV, the contrast of the rib will be high because bone has a relatively high effective number. The high contrast rib shadows which presence lowers the conspicuity of the soft tissue structures, hence, the visibility of those structures will be impaired.

The use of high kV which is above 100 comes with a requirement to use grids. It is necessary to use high ratio grids in CXR to reduce the amount of forward high energy scatter reaching the film. But, for all rules, there is always be an exception. Some mobile chests taken with equipment that is limited to 80 to 90 kV.

WHEN RADIATION INTERACT WITH MATTER

As an x-ray beam passes through a patient, the beam is attenuated. Attenuation is the result when x-rays interact with matter. It is the reduction in the total number of x-ray photons remaining in the beam after passing through a given thickness of material.

Attenuation will be increased with the increase in the thickness of the body part being radiographed. As the incident beam passes through patient, it is significantly being altered. Another factor which will affect attenuation is the atomic number of the region of interest (ROI). Higher atomic number materials attenuate greater percentage of the beam. This is because photons may interact with the presence of greater number of electrons. Next will be the density which will give impact to the attenuation. Density refers to the tightness of a substance atoms being packed together. The denser the tissue, the lesser beam could penetrate through it.

As what we have here for CXR, the best to be compared are among these three substances which are air, bone and soft tissue, to give the deeper view why the need of high kV occurs. Air naturally present in lungs for arrested inhalation radiograph. The chest has high physical contrast primarily because of the air within the lungs. It has the lowest density among all although it has slightly higher atomic number than soft tissue. Air absorbs fewer photons when they pass through it. Hence, more photons reach the image receptor producing greater image receptor exposure. On the radiograph, air is virtually transparent and will give a dense black shadow, which is equivalent to 100% film blackening for all photon energies.

Usually the skeletal system could easily be seen on the radiograph due to the calcium content in bone as calcium has higher atomic number among all the substances in human body. For high kV technique, the greater tissue density leads the bone to have greater rate of radiation absorption. It means, fewer photons reach the image receptor and construct less image receptor exposure. That is why bones appear whiter on radiograph. Also the high kV needed to penetrate the bones.

Last are the soft tissue structures such as in mediastinum, where they have effective atomic number and tissue densities. Their density varies and slightly higher than air, thus, they absorbed x-ray photons slightly more than air and still produced more image receptor exposure even though it is slightly fewer than what produced by air.

THE KV USE FOR ABDOMINAL X-RAY

What consist in abdomen mainly are the abdominal organ system, urinary system and abdominal cavity. Those are all various abdominal structures which are generally could be classified under soft tissues while for CXR, there are various types of different tissues structures to be imaged and need low contrast produced by high kV exposure.

In order to demonstrate these various tissue types, the kV being used for abdominal x-ray (AXR) is lower than CXR which is in the medium kV exposure, around 70 to 80. The moderate contrast produced by the medium kV should be able to image the kidney outlines, lumbar vertebrae transverse process, psoas muscle and lower liver margin in average-sized patient which having about the same tissue density and subject contrast.

Medium kV will also generate good contrast between adjacent soft tissues in abdomen. In comparison to the CXR, abdomen contain no superimposed ribs which needs to reduced its visibility, thus AXR does not require Compton Scattering which could only be created by a high kV exposure.

CONCLUSION

KV controls the energy or the penetrating power of the x-ray beam while contrast allows the anatomic detail on a radiograph to be visualized. Therefore, optimum radiographic contrast and kV exposure for the ROI is important as kV exposure will affects the contrast created, by producing less or more variation in attenuation.

Selection of the appropriate kV is a balance between optimal image contrast and lowest possible patient dose. A general rule states that the each radiographic examination should use highest kV and lowest mAs which will yield sufficient diagnostic information.

[1362 words]


I, Nurhasanah Mazalan (0715402) hereby declare that this work is entirely my own. Any copying made for knowledge purposes is allowed but if possible please state this blog and my name as reference. It is just a way to appreciate others' hard work. Thank you.

Selamat hari guru buat semua pendidik

Selamat hari pendidik buat semua yang pernah atau sedang mendidik. Di tadika, sekolah, kolej, universiti, di mana-mana sahaja mahupun di blog ;) tidak semestinya yang bertaraf pendidik, malah sesiapa sahaja yang pernah mencurahkan ilmu. Aite?

Kamu2 sudah text guru-guru kamu belum? Tak kiralah guru tadika atau universiti. Sekadar penghargaan. Terutama untuk guru2 di sekolah dulu, sekurang2nya we text them once a year bile nak ucap selamat. Huu..

But special credits to Mr Jamil Sakmin, my former history teacher for two years in SESTER. He is now acting as the Penolong Kanan 1. Beliau salu sms peringatan untuk kami sejak kami meninggalkan sekolah, not only that, beliau salu gak email to us. And that was great. Thanks lots, tak putus-putus beri ilmu spiritual pulak selepas ilmu-ilmu formal di zaman persekolahan dulu.

It's been 4 years since I left SESTER, and during that 4 years alhamdulillah hubungan dengan guru-guru masih kuat. And cekgu pun masih boleh cite satu-satu sejarah kita. Hehe. I guess other teachers pun sama, takkan lupa anak murid. Tambah-tambah yang ada kes (patik la tuh).

Syukur kali ini dapat mengucapkan terima kasih kepada hampir semua yang pernah mencurahkan ilmu kepada saya. Termasuk teman-teman, terima kasih! Suka untuk saya katakan, hari ini adalah untuk semua manusia, cuma tradisi kita meletakkannya kepada yang bertitle guru sahaja.

Sambutan pula satu cerita. Para guru pun sebenarnya bukan mengharap pada hadiah berbentuk benda, tetapi lebih kepada hadiah berbentuk kejayaan, menjadi orang yang berguna. Terima kasih buat semua guru yang hingga hari ini masih mendoakan kejayaan saya :)

Walau apa pun, terima kasih guru, kerana keberadaan saya di sini hari ini adalah hasil sumbangan kamu. Dan terima kasih kerana masih bertanya khabar dan memberi nasihat. (^-^) *glad*

"Ya Allah, ampunkan dosa guru-guru kami, dan berkati kehidupan mereka dunia akhirat, ameen."

wassalam

hari malapetaka dan hari bahagia

15th May merupakan hari kegembiraan buat adik saya tetapi merupakan hari malapetaka buat warga Palestin.

First, Selamat hari laher untuk my beloved sis, she's 14 y/old this year. And ibu just geleng kepala sambil redha je bile tau I give an iPod to my sister. Maybe ibu rase macam kecik lagi, but dulu ibu bagi handset kat adik bongsu ni, lagi la kan ;) hihi

Budak2 zaman sekarang ni, memang advance. Tapi kita yang tua ni jugak sebenarnya yang manjakan. Ye eh? Sekali sekala untuk keperluan, moga ada manfaat.

Second, mengenai hari malapetaka or they call Nakbah Day. This year cukup 60 tahun negara haram Israel tertubuh sejak 15 May 1948 di atas tanah palestine. 60 tahun rakyat palestine menderita. Penderitaan yang cukup dasyat.

Kalau tengok video clips pasal kekejaman Israel pada rakyat Palestine, nampak macam tentera mereka ni diberi dadah. Gaya diorang buat tuh macam tak sedar diri dan macam robot yang diset kan dengan misi membunuh. Ape, leh penggil terminator ke? But surely one day they all yang akan di terminated kan.

Kamu2 bosan dah ke dengar pasal Palestine? Tapi mereka2 di sana tak pernah bosan mencari jihad, berjuang pertahankan tanah sendiri, dan juga pertahankan Islam. Kita2 kat sini je yang masih lena tidur taknak bangun2 dan celik dengan hal ni. Ibarat seorang abang yang sekadar memandang sepi adiknya dibelasah, dirobek, disembelih, dipancung dan dirogol!

Takpe, tidurlah lagi sampai lena..tak perlu bangun2..

Ye, memang susah nak tolong, tapi tak susah nak avoid beri sumbangan pada Yahudi beli senjata membunuh mereka2, dan bukan susah nak angkat tangan dan berdoa,

"Allahumman suril Islama wal muslimeen fii kulli makaani wazzaman, Allahumma thabbit quluubahum,Allahumma thabbit aqdaamahum,Allahumman-surhum ‘alaa man‘aadaahum,Allahumma dammir a’ada-ahum,Allahumma zalzilil-ardho tahta aqdaamihim,Allahumma dhud wa-rudda ‘anhum, rabbana taqabbal minna du'aa ana innaka antas sami'ul 'aliim..ameen ameen."

Translation:
"Oh Allah support the Islam and Muslimeen, anytime anywhere, Oh Allah make their hearts firm (in Imaan, Taqwaa, Tawakkul etc.), Oh Allah make their feet firm (uncompromising and steadfast), Oh Allah support them (the Mujaahideen) over those who show animosity to them, Oh Allah destroy their enemies, Oh Allah shake the earth beneath their (the enemies) feet, Oh Allah support our scholars, Oh Allah be with them and protect them, please accept our du'aas you are indeed the best knower and the best listener..ameen ameen"

note: more about Nakbah Day by Asmi Syabil

wallahu'alam

Mari menyahut seruan makan ubi kentang dan keledek. Heh?

Sila baca di sini- Rakyat Malaysia disaran memakan keledek dan ubi kentang bagi menggantikan nasi sebagai makanan ruji.


Sedang berfikir, mampukah rakyat Malaysia yang kebanyakannya mewah dengan makanan berbuat sebegini. Nama pun makanan ruji. Tak mustahil, tapi itulah..

Macam gaya2 kembali ke zaman Jepun. Heh.

Teringat kata-kata seorang responden:

"rakyat hari nih...jgn harap la sanggup nak makan ubi kentang
kalu zaman perang dlu lain cite"

Erk, rakyat hari ini makin manja kah. Nampak macam, yang kaya makin kaya, yang miskin makin miskin. Atau bagaimanakah?

Responden yang ini pula:

"mari stop makan nasi! hehe.. untuk menguruskan badan jika mahu :p maka sila la belajar tak makan nasi. Makan lauk sajor, pastu nak dapatkan bekalan CHO, makan biskut sajor"

Look from the bright side lak. Boleh kurus sket, heh. Sape2 nak tips-tips boleh amik daripada beliau ;)

For me, tah, takde pe yang berubah rasanya. Nampak macam masa ni nak blaja berjimat, tapi macam mana golongan yang hanya makan nasi berlaukkan ikan masin bile benda2 basic sume naik harga..

Tak belajar ekonomi, tataulah nak komen pe. Sume ni happened mesti bersebab for sure, cuma bersebab tuh terbahagi kepada dua. Pertama, sebab yang reasonable. Kedua, sebab yang takleh pakai. Heh.

p/s: roti gak paling best, tapi naek harga gak..erm..

note: responden2 tuh secara tak sengaja menegur status di YM, naseb ler..pinjam nama ye..

wallahu'alam

I just cannot help when he smiles

I rarely talk about my family. Now, here it goes.
Today is abang's birthday.

abang with aisy (he's growing, look here)

Dear abang,

I know how hard is your life before. We just heard, but the one who face knows better. And Im glad you make it through. Seeing you with better life now, Im happy. With those kids around you, not forgetting our beloved bros and sis (abang sir, abang amad and kak maina), I know they're taking care of you very well even you are already big enough =P it's 25 y/old this year. I once have been under them, and I cannot find any other guardian better then them (read: penjaga, bukan parents..heh).

syaurah and najihah , they are also my sweetheart ;)

All kids get stick to you easily and very close, I dont know what you have, black magic?
My wish that you will always be tOugh as you are, and jaga makan sket! You wont listen to anyone on this, isk...

umrah year 2003

I thank you for what you did for everyone, especially to ibu ayah and mak, for what I cannot. You are always a great son compared to me. I always wanted to score in examination like you did, but who could reach that 4.0 cgpa like you. It is impossible for me, with my condition. Heh.

abang and kakna

I wish you all the best in your life, I always do. Good luck in your undertakings, all the machines stuffs. Huu..
Looking you from far here, I wanted you to know that you are always deep inside my heart. Always..
And forgive me for everything.

i just love sandwich

You Are a Tuna Fish Sandwich

Some people just don't have a taste for you. You are highly unusual. And admit it, you've developed some pretty weird habits over the years. You may seem a bit unsavory from a distance, but anyone who gives you a chance is hooked! Your best friend: The Club Sandwich Your mortal enemy: The Turkey Sandwich

What Kind of Sandwich Are You?

die suggest mintak buat test nih

die: tak buat test sandwich?
die: buat la!

Sekali kena sejenis sandwich lak ngan die. Kawan baik ngan hawa lak tuh. Agaknye sebab tu kite sekelas dulu ye, hawa?

Definisi sandwich untuk diri sendiri: sejenis makanan tinggi karbohidrat yang dimakan kerana tidak mampu menelan makanan berat lain

wallahu'alam

Malaysian hospital series 0004

Series 0004: Code of ethics for radiographers

Hari ini temani dia ke klinik. Sakit pada tapak kaki katanya.
Doktor minta lakukan x-ray, jadi temani dia jalani foot x-ray.

Kemudian kami menunggu untuk dipanggil kembali berjumpa doktor selepas radiograph siap diproses.

Selepas beberapa ketika, radiographer tersebut hendak menyerahkan radiograph (x-ray film) kepada doktor, tetapi kebetulan melalui kami. Apabila terpandang dia, radiographer tersebut terus menyapa dia.

"Tengok ni, ada benda tajam kat kaki." Katanya. "Sebab tulah rasa sakit...bla bla bla.." Dan dia masih meneruskan kata-kata.

Saya yang sedang ralit membaca terus teringatkan sesuatu patologi yang pernah dipelajari di kelas. 'Calcaneal Spur!'
Dan serentak itu saya mengangkat kepala melihat film tersebut.




'Betullah calcaneal spur. Tak sangka..' Hati saya berbicara lagi.

Setelah radiographer itu berlalu pergi, dia bertanya beberapa perkara kepada saya berikutan kata-kata radiographer tersebut. Saya menjelaskan serba sedikit sahaja.

Calcaneal spur ataupun flower horn (ini panggilan oleh para doktor), lebih kurang boleh dikatakan cangkuk yang terbentuk daripada tulang (read: hook of bone). Biasanya terbentuk di tulang tumit (read: calcaneus).

[note: I have to continue in English, it's hard to explain in Malay..]

This kind of heel spur is not the primary caused of the pain. It is due to the irritation to the soft tissues (read: fascia) when the spur pressed on them. Thus, the pain occured when the patient is in prolonged standing or walking. This condition also get worsen every morning after sleep, when they tried to have the first step on the day.

If you wanted to know why and further infos, you can always google them, aite?

Back to the main topic, the radiographer is actually not following the code of ethics even though he has a good intention (read: ni'at baik).

In Malaysia, the KKM (read: Ministry of Health Msia) has set up a list of ethics for radiographers (read: grade U41 and below, above than that, I am not sure). One of them is the radiographer could not deliver any information or suggestion, diagnosed from the film to the patients. The word suggestion here is in the term of bahasa isyarat dan yang sama waktu maghrib dengannya. Heh, I'm just kidding.

In other countries, those radiographers have the right to do the report for each film, being at the same level as radiologists (read: Radiologist is a medical practitioner who makes a speciality in radiology). It is only in Malaysia where radiographer could not say anything. It is going to be hard if the patients are our family members.

Thus, I do think the KKM should revise back on this issue for the U41 radiographers (read: Ni level degree holder). Because they have the knowledge on the pathology, and tell you what, in Msia, most of the radiographers are better than doctors in analyzing a radiograph. This is what happened in real life.

Why did I say that? Before giving evidence, I would like to give a logical reasoning on this matter. Radiographers saw various films every day, reaching hundreds every week (read: for GH etc usually in the range of 800 every week). They really could differentiate between a normal and abnormal anatomy shown on the radiograph as they have diagnosed many of them every day. Practise makes better, isn’t it?

A case for example; a patient complained on having pain and being x-rayed. The doctor looked up on the film and said everything is normal. Luckily, her brother who accompany her is a radiographer and found a fracture on the film. He quickly went back to the doctor, and show up the fracture. And the doctor admit that she missed it.

The patient might be going home and suffer if the fracture was not found. And the doctor is actually almost giving harm to her. This is where the importance of team work. I mean, the doctor can easily ask for other doctors’ opinions to avoid this, just for reassurance that everything is alright.


I am not understood why the KKM has set up the limit. Looking at the condition in Malaysian hospitals, many radiographers who have talents and knowledge were not treated so just because they are not radiologists. For example, ultrasound scanning could only be performed by radiologist, even though radiographers also have the specific skills on the machine. Hey, we know how to handle the probe. =P

For this issue, it is like an ‘adat’ (read: tradition) for this to happen. Radiographers’ knowledge, skills and status is lower than radiologist, one tradition. Ultrasound is only to be performed by radiologists, one tradition. Means, we do learn and practise on this in our university, but the knowledge is nowhere to be applied in working place as they won’t allow us to. Thus, takyah ar susah2 blaja kalo da memang hanya jadi hak radiologists ;p (read: takpe, additional knowledge)
Hey you, the future health practitioner to be will change this environment, inshaAllah.

We have once being practise in a condition where we do scanning for our cousin who admitted to A&E due to trauma (read: accident). The film showed a bleeding inside the brain. The real challenge began after the scanning where the family members asked us what is the condition. Sedangkan kod etika cakap kami takleh bitau pape.

The lecturer being as the family member, and ask us one by one. Really, buntu fikir the best answer. Nak bitau hal sebenar, langgar etika. Nak cakap tatau, takkanlah tatau. One more thing, our lecturer akan bidas balik our answer as a view from a family member. So, when I were asked what will I do, I said,

"Sir, I wont do the scanning, I will pass the job to Najwa." Pointing to a friend besides me.

"So, you are escaping, huh? Means that, in the future you have to be in the same hospital with her." He said.

Heh, dah kena balik. The easiest solution is, work at the place where you have no relatives there. Hehe.

note: Bila sampai turn najwa untuk jawab soklan sir, she said,
"If it were my relatives, then, I will pass the job to Hasanah!" Hoho, macam tu eh. :)

For this issue, remember, ni'at tidak menghalalkan cara. Tapi pandai-pandai jelah. Bila da masuk bab ni, susah jugak, tapi pasti ada cara. Just avoid where you can, and deal secara saksama where you cannot avoid. Applicable for all issues in life. InshaAllah.

wallahu'alam.

Cerita hari ibu

Ibuku sayang
hari ini ku genggam erat album kehidupan
wajah riang, rindu serta duka berpadu akur
mengikut takdir putaran alam

Ibuku sayang
terima kasihku buatmu
kerana lahirkan aku di sini
aku adalah generasi warisan silammu
jua pahatan cinta
antara ibu dan dia yang bernama ayah

Ibuku sayang
esok andai kita tidak sebumbung lagi
atau esok mungkin aku dijemput Ilahi
aku mahu ibu tahu
bahawa ibulah segalanya buatku
kerana tanpamu siapalah aku di sini

Selamat Hari Ibu (^_^)

-----------------------------------------

To all mothers and mothers to be, Selamat hari Ibu. Special thanks for this person, for your wish to me. Katanya, special for mother to be. =P

And for this person, a good friend from SESTER until here in university we are still together. Ma, Ibu and kak Era said to us, we are like sisters. Only that you become jelous when Ma said she loves me not only for today, but sampai seksok (you translated to me, it means forever, he..). It was the same when Ibu always asked about you =P hehe, just kidding. Yet we are still sisters :) Selamat hari ibu untuk Ma!

To Ibu and all mothers which are very close to me, selamat hari Ibu.

"Jika belum pernah kau dengar ucapan terima kasihku,
dengarkanlah doaku ini, semoga Tuhan mengasihimu,
sebagaimana kau mengasihiku,
dari dulu hingga kini dan untuk selama-lamanya."
[lagu untuk Ibu: Brothers]

To mak, it's been 6 years now. I just miss you so much, I hope one day I could visit your grave in Mekkah (quite impossible, but at least I'll be der some day). I miss you damn crazy everyday..I miss you, especially the time when you back me up when Ibu angry, hehe. Never seen your grave make me feel like you were still here with us.. T_T
Yes, I do. I saw abang and kakak cried silently during eid, and always go for umrah, especially during eid and celebrating eid in Mekkah just to visit you. Do they know that I also miss you that much. Huu..

"Ya Allah, berikan kekuatan untuk ibu-ibu kami menghadapi ujianMu di dunia dan di akhirat. Berkati umur mereka dan limpahi mereka dengan kasih sayangMu. Moga redha dan syurgaNya menjadi milikmu. Ameen..ameen."

Malaysian hospital series 0003

Series 0003: The contrast injection and the CT scanning

Below is probably stories to be shared for radiographers to be, nurses to be and radiologists to be. Edited series.

Last few months, I went for CT (computed tomography) scanning for brain once again. Plain and with contrast. Plain means usual examination using high dose radiation while contrast means they use contrast to enhance the region for interest (i.e. brain), with CT as the imaging modality. I won’t mind about the scanning but I am worried if there’s a usage of contrast.

Like what I expected to be, they do extra harm to me (which they could avoid). I was there around 10.30am giving the CT examination form. Then asked to go to the treatment room and I know they will insert in a needle for the contrast and leave the needle there until the procedure was done for about 20 minutes.
“Adik, kat mana senang sikit nak masuk jarum ni?”


The nurse asked me, if I’m a first timer surely I won’t know which one is better. I showed up my left hand. She refused, she wanted the right hand. I showed up my right hand which already been paste with cotton.

“Owh, amik darah ke tadi tangan kanan ni?” The nurse asked again and I just nodded my head. That is why I showed up left hand. Isk3..

“Senang tak tangan kiri ni ye?”

“InshaAllah, biasa senang je tangan ni.” I said.

Then I pointed my finger to the blood vessel, it is obviously seen. When she was about to insert the contrast needle, I reconfirmed with her because she was like teragak-agak.

The needle goes in and I know something wrong, because she pointed at the wrong insertion eventhough the vessel could be seen clearly. It was not going into the blood vessel at all. Oh my, painful. For your information, needle for contrast media is bigger than usual needle which u seen.

“Alamak, silap la dik.” She looked at me, and I just relaxed looking at her. “Sakit tak ni?”

“Tak.”

Yelah, kalau bitau kita sakit lagilah dia cuak buat. The most unaccepted part is when she pointed the needle (which is already in my hand), finding the blood vessel. She moves the needle here and there, to the right and to the left, pointing it deeper and deeper till she reached the vessel. It was very much painful.

“Sakit tak ni?” She asked again. I just keep in silence. No words. Ni belum insert contrast lagi. I said in my heart, because the blood dah membuak-buak keluar. A simple procedure yet so painful, it should be not.


I then waited outside, till they called out my name. With the needle in my hand, maybe area left brachial or left basilic I’m not sure. Painful because of the improper procedure. That was the first part.

Nurse’s view: Macam agak tak confident nak buat
Patient’s view: Kena yakin, patient put the trust on yOu!

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The second part is where they asked me to put off my scarf. I remembered what my lecturer told me, there’s no need to put off your scarf and reveal your hair for this kind of examination. Yes, I know very well, scarf is not a radio opaque material. There shouldn’t be any problems. I fight a bit because I know what I am talking about; I do learn this procedure, but they still sticked with what they said. Thus I just follow their order for not giving any uncomfortable conditions. (Wah, tak puas hati.)

It was always like that in any procedures. It is hard to find health practitioners who really care and concern on patient’s dignity and rights. There was some, as always, but very rare.

Back to the case, they start with the plain scanning, then with contrast, in a large quantity (large to be inserted in the body through venous, I saw the big syringe, very big, never seen before, huhu).

I feel the contrast goes everywhere in the vessel, goes up to the face and the brain. The whole body feel so hot, very hot inside. I feel like to vomit (luckily I’m fasting, no food inside). My eyes become watery, really wanted to vomit. I can smell the contrast, hard odour, even though it was inside the body. It’s end up at 11.30am.

This is what lacking in radiographers and radiologist, they did not know exactly what the patient faced after having the contrast and also what is happening when the machine is functioning, for example the MRI, it produces terrible sound like the machine wanted to burst, this would scared the patients. If they know, they can inform the patient earlier before the scanning. This is important for not giving extra harm to the patients, emotionally or physically.

Radiographer’s view: Kalau buang je tudung and scarf kan senang sket. Lagipun bukan pape.
Patient’s view: It was our dignity which you take as a small matter. Plus, bukan ade radiopaque material.
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To all healthcare practitioners to be, don’t add up what is not necessary and please be concern for what is necessary. Thank you Mr. Zainul for the great advices! InshaAllah IIUM grads from IMC will be much better, amen.
Wallahu’alam.

--Narrated by Anas Bin Malik--

The Prophet said: Facilitate things to people (concerning religious matter), and do not make it hard for them and give them good tidings and do not make them run away (from Islam).

wallahu'alam

Car Accident

Tak suka hendak bercerita, tapi pengajaran buat kita, mungkin. Maaf atas nama yang di link kan ke entry ini.

Record lesen memandu selama tiga tahun bersih, namun hari ini,panduan hampir membunuh mereka-mereka. Ya, itu yang mereka katakan.

Arakian diri kesakitan,keseorangan, panduan diteruskan. 'Aqal sedang menerawang, berfikir pelbagai perkara, pelbagai masalah. Perkara terakhir yang diingati, berfikir mengenai mereka-mereka yang disayangi, risau, gundah. Khayal..

Tiba-tiba sebuah motor menghampiri, terjaga dari lamunan. Kemudian pandang depan,
"alamak, kenapa banyak kereta berhenti nih? Motor datang kena elak!"
Ada kereta yang berhenti di hadapan, beberapa meter.
Dengan recent(ape BM die eh?) kelajuan, mustahil mampu berhenti. Stereng dialih, mengelak langgaran belakang.

Nah, yang diingati kemudiannya hanyalah
1. pengalihan stereng beserta tekanan pada brek kereta
2. pelanggaran (read: collision)
3. Bunyi kuat hentaman kereta
4. Melihat disaster pada side mirror


'Aqal masih termangu, erk..pelanggaran kah yang telah terjadi?
Pandang depan, pandang belakang, pandang sisi.

Pandang depan = semua mata sedang memandang, "Damn, aku kat traffic light rupenya! Lampu merah, no wnder kereta kat depan sume stop."

Pandang sisi sebelah kiri = Erk, kereta patik melekat pada kereta beliau.

Tiada tindakan susulan. Masih khayalkah? Kemudian terdengar bunyi,
"sreet..sreet.."
owh beliau cuba meloloskan kereta beliau yang terlekat pada kereta patik.
"Erk, teruk ke langgar..??" 'Aqal mula semakin waras. Siap tukar transmisi gear kepada P (parking) dan mengangkat brek tangan. Ape kes berbuat begitu ketika kereta di tengah-tengah jalan, dan di kawasan lampu trafik.

Tibe-tibe beliau yang berbaju putih tercegat di tingkap patik.
Punat kawalan tingkap automatik ditekan. Panic?? Tidak. Takut?? Jua tidak.

Sebaik tingkap dibuka seluas 10cm, terus terdengar maki hamun di udara.
Yang paling diingati mengenai lampu hijau.
"Oit, kalau nak kejar lampu hijau pun janganlah langgar orang! Jangaaaaaaaaan brek mengejut!" dan bla bla bla selama dua minit..
Pandang depan, mata-mata di traffic light memandang. Pakcik nek motor pun tengok.

Sekadar senyap mendengar. Memberi isyarat patik tunggu tuanku di hadapan. Sambil di dalam hati berkata,
'Maafkan saya, saya sendiri tidak sedar ade traffic light di hadapan saya. Inikan pula hendak mengejarnya..'

Berhenti di hadapan. Cet, depan restoran jugak yang boleh stop. Keluar dari kereta, langsung tidak terfikir mahu melihat kesan langgaran di kereta sendiri. Terus ke kereta beliau, beliau keluar.
Yes, again, maki hamun. Patik senyap dengar. Bertubi-tubi. Bukan seorang, kemudian dua, kemudian tiga, empat dan lima. Lima lawan satu, satu menang kerana die senyap =P
Kesemuanya jururawat, daripada tua ke muda. Owh, macam inikah jururawat. Pesakit mati sakit jiwa. Ahaks. Pelanggan di restoran tumpang simpati. Ke ilusi semata?

Paling lucu, pertanyaan, "ada lesen tak ni??"
Wah, masih awet mudakah patik, ditanyakan soalan sebegituh. Kes3. Sempat tersenyum, bengong! Heh.
Bosan dengan maki hamun, terus meminta maaf lima kali dan bertanya,
"So macam mana?" Mata kemudian terarah pada kereta beliau. Cet, no harm at all. Gaya maca teruk je. I admit to them it was my mistake. Many times, but they were still very mad. And Im going nut. Heh. Pesakit kelaparan tiada makanan langsung dijamah sejak semalam.

At last, they gone. Deep breath taken.
"Heh, how about my car. How bad it is?"
Belum dilihat lagi kerana side sebelah penumpang. Bergerak, lihat.
Pintu belakang, pintu depan, cermin sisi, depan kereta, all gone. Gulp. Camane nak bitau abang kakak ayah ibu neh.

Relax. Get into the car. What I gonna do next. Naik ke jalan, tangan menggigil. Have to stop somewhere. Inilah jadinya bile eksiden, tapi sorang-sorang. Park kereta. Tangan capai handset. Nak bitau sape? Ibu ayah? Nanti risau pulak, tunggu balik nanti.

(nota: ceritera seterusnya ade unsur dongengan sedikit kerana ingat2 lupa)

Tibe-tibe ade pakcik bermotor datang menghampiri tingkap kereta. erk, siapakah. Datang bertanya adakah patik okay. Macam kebiasaan, mengcover keadaan. Okaylah kononnya. Padahal kesakitan, heh. Pakcik bermotor pergi. Lega..

Message pada die. Die jawab, "awak bagitahu saye, saye bukan boleh buat pape. Bagitahu sesiapa yang boleh tolong."
Erk, sahabat, awak boleh tolong bg support kan..

Minda berfikir. Yes, cari die 'sepupu saye'.
Tangan mendail number kosongSatuTigasembiLanLimaLimablaBlabLa. Die angkat, "Hallo As, tengah kelas, kenape?" Suara berbisik kedengaran.
Diri menjawab, "owh takpe takde pape." Suara tertahan, sebak.
"Nabil kol semula.." Katanya, dan putus....

Mesage masuk, berbalas-balas..
"As, kenape? Sorry tengah kelas.."
"As kat Kuantan, eksiden, alone."
"Ce tanya rehe. Bla bla bla. Pergi bitau ****." (ler, nape rehe masuk cite? dan ****?)
"Takpe2 as okay.." Sebab da dengar unsur nama-nama lain. Segan..

Termenung sorang. Agak sedey tengok disaster kat kereta. Tangan masih menggigil. Mungkin trigger lambat sampai ke cerebrum. Baru hendak terasa kesan-kesan lepas pelanggaran, jua maki hamun? Badan kesakitan akibat hentakan. Ler, baru nak menangis...lambat tul.

Tibe-tibe masuk panggilan tak dikenali, erk, siapakah.
"Hallo.." Kawalan bunyi sebak.
"As, **** ni." Beberapa soalan ditanya, malangnya, sekadar dijawab oleh esakan kecil. Pemanggil memutuskan talian.
Number yang digunakan bukan kepunyaannya. 'Erk die guna number sape eh. Number dia kah?'

Pemandu hilang arah tujuan. Termenung dan menangis. Sedih jugak sorang-sorang dalam keadaan sebegituh. Termenung hingga jam 5pm. Message masuk.
"As katne, nabil on the way." Bukan boleh nak biar ahli family die.
"Erk, takyah datang. As baru nak gerak." Padahal nye gerak pun tak. Heh. Maaf bro!

Hati terfikir, mungkin masa untuk seorang diri. Mungkin. And I always have this feelings today, what had happened, was really magical in certain ways. Allah loves me.

Pengajaran:
1. Dont khayal and drive
2. Jangan lawan orang tengah marah
3. Admit your mistake. Sume orang buat mistake mem!
4. You always have your friends around. It is only you to accept or not.
5. Special thanks to those involved. My first time on car accident, a bit cuak, and tears of course.
6. perempuan, dont shout in crowd, buat malu je..and bazir saliva.
7. Dun wanna get involved again..sorry mum, the car is only one month++ old. But mum said, "jangan kesah sangat kay.."

Im in pain, yet happy. Because He loves me as always. Alhamdulillah!!

Musim bunga itu..

note: Most of the pictures below were taken from my window. Click for larger view.


Credits tu Nabil, because of his post, entry yang skadar jadi draft ini akhirnya dipostkan.

Entitle musim bunga di UIA kampus Indera Mahkota (IMC). Sejak masuk IMC jun lepas, just nampak semua hijau, especially tru my window. Pokok sume takde bunga, daun semata.

main roundabout

court yang nabil and the gang men volley, also court which i play tennis

Court atas ni, sume pokok hijau jugak sepanjang tahun, just tibe-tibe berbunga dan musim luruh serentak (pokok len, tapi takde gambar lak). Berikut gmbar sebelum berbunga dan selepas.

sebelum

sedikit berbunga

selepas. Pokok2 kat sebelah court pun berbunga (whitish n pinky), termasuk pokok kat hutan nung. Nampak?

night view

Memang seronok tengok pokok2 ni berbunga. Tapi keceriaan tak lama.

Pokok ini right in front of my window. Dan susah nak cari pokok yang rendang nak park kereta at the road side. So pernah skali dua park di bawah pokok ini. Kesannya, pergh, bersepah kereta dengan bunga yang luruh. Dan paling tak tahan, debunga nya. Melekat2 meninggalkan corak yang best di kereta.

Jadi kami buat projek basuh kereta dan gilap debunga kasi hilang. Sume sampai berpeluh nak buang debunga tersebut. Yati yang paling semangat.

Die warning siap2,

"As, lain kali jangan parking bawah pokok tu lagi, yati marah." Sambil buat-buat geram. Heh.

Yes, memang serik. Cukuplah sekali.
Hari-hari selepas itu park jauh, ke tempat biasa, berpanas dan berhujan, tetapi 3-4 hari selepas itu baru perasan, debunga-debunga masih ada. Cet, die terbang merata-merata. Salah satu pembiakan aseks, penyebaran biji benih melalui angin (ye eh? lupe). Even park jauh pun debunga itu terbang jua. Isk...maka basuh la lagi dan kna gilap sekuat perasaan.

Luckily skang on holiday, so takyah hari-hari penat nak buang debunga tuh. Uiks, penat amat.

Thus, everything which bring happiness, does'nt mean it will be forever.

"Tiada suatu bencana pun yang menimpa di bumi dan (tidak pula) pada dirimu sendiri
melainkan telah tertulis dalam kitab (Lauh Mahfuzh) sebelum Kami menciptakannya.
Sesungguhnya yang demikian itu adalah mudah bagi Allah. (Kami jelaskan yang demikian
itu) supaya kamu jangan berdukacita terhadap apa yang luput dari kamu, dan supaya
kamu jangan terlalu gembira terhadap apa yang diberikan-Nya kepadamu. Dan Allah tidak
menyukai setiap orang yang sombong lagi membanggakan diri.." (al-Hadiid: 22-23)

8 random facts about me

This entry is dedicated specially for Faisal Admar. He tagged me.
(betul ke yang ni faisal..?? Huu..)

Those below are the 8 random fatcs about me:

1. I love number 5 and number 8 very much. Number 5 suites my family very well. My brothers and sisters, also my parents, the last 4 numbers on their phone numbers are 5555. Mum's car is WFF 5555 and mine is CCE 5555. Also my brothers/sisters.

2. Addicted to cakes.

3. Hospital is my second home. My workplace and also where I have my treatments.

4. I love cats very much. But anytime we bought cat, it will surely died very soon.

5. Sports lady, but not earning money with it(becoz my doctor ask me on this). Now it is really hard for me even to jog because of my sickness. *frustrated*

6. Thinking of arabic language everyday (just thinking how I cud master the communication) and thinking of baitul 'atiq (he, bilelah nak pergi).

7. I wanted to do marketing, but now in medical sector. Lalalala..

8. I hate tagging but I did it for friendship's sake =p *Copy paste, hihi*

Thus, I won't tag anyone. :)

Oh, sebab itukah..?

Dulu seorang sahabat berpesan pada saya dan minta pada saya, supaya cuba jangan jatuhkan handset lagi. Katanya, kalau handsetnya yang jatuh, die akan dive selamatkan. Kerana bagi dia, benda itu sangat berharga , pemberian ibu ayah. Hanya dia yang pernah menegur saya regarding this matter. Kerana sahabat-sahabat lain, sudah bosan agaknya melihat handset di tangan kerap kali jatuh.

Ya, setiap masa handset akan terlepas dari gengaman saya. Berkecai itu perkara biasa, namum nampaknya ia tough seperti tuannya. Cuma kadang-kadang ia jadi pening-pening sedikit dan suka mematikan diri secara tibe-tibe. Mungkin kerana banyak kali terhentak.

Bukan sahaja handset, malah buku-buku, pencil case, pen pensel, kunci, atau apa sahaja yang di genggaman tangan saya, mudah terlepas jatuh ke lantai. Tapi belum pernah lagi saya jatuhkan mana-mana bayi, mungkin kerana berada dalam dakapan. Heh.


Bukan saya sengaja, tapi saya sangat berusaha, namun saya tidak berjaya. Di rumah atau di hostel, saya lebih memilih untuk menggunakan pinggan/gelas yang langsung tidak fragile. walaupun kata ibu, tak bagus guna barang-barang adik-beradik plastik itu, namun saya terpaksa.

Hinggalah minggu lepas apabila doktor bertanya pada saya adakah saya sentiasa menjatuhkan barang-barang. Owh, rupe-rupenya ia kerana penyakit saya. Patutlah sedaya mana saya berusaha untuk cermat, tetap tidak berjaya.

Handset saya yang ketiga ini dibeli awal tahun 2006. Akhir-akhir ini ibu tawarkan handset baru lagi, katanya sudah masa menukar handset, tapi saya tak terdaya nak menerima. Nanti saya jatuhkan lagi...hmm...

Bile saya akan sembuh ye..