the story after..

When children learn that suffering is not eased by self-pity but overcome by spiritual strength..and that even though time and hardship may ravage one's outer shell, they can enhance one's character and perspective. When children learn these ideas and how to practice them in the art of good living, they will no longer be as child..

I'm a child before, and still now.

This time around i've been warded, i learned something which made me wanted to know the stories behind. But i know my limit, until there, full stop. Let Allah take care the rest of the stories.
Hmm..

I've met lots of doctors since I were a kid, many more after secondary school until now. But, this one doctor i met in the ward impressed me very much (instead, not only me..). Till the day i said,
"Ya Allah, aku dah tak sangup nak melihat kebaikan hambaMu ini.."

Dia bukan lagi manusia, bagi saya. Tapi saya kehilangan kata-kata untuk mengambarkan dirinya. Dia memegang utuh amanah menjadi seorang yang merawat pesakit secara fizikal dan spiritual. Until one of my friends said,
"Doktor ni takde life ke, 24 jam ada kat ward..dahla sangat baik..3-4 pagi busy layan patient lagi.."

Heh, is it 'that' doctor acting like an angel, or we actually lack of 'good' muslim's doctors till we've been so impressed when we meet 'this' kind of doctor..?? I think i need to interview my friends. What's your say..?

It's not to say that you doctors out there should ignore you own needs and just focus to the patients, you know the limitations aite..? But rather you are dealing with human..benda bernyawa yang ada hati dan perasaan..i think there's no need for me to talk more, you know better what i mean. You learn medicine, not me.

JUst macam a bit kelakar jugak, warded, discharged, then not a day yet admitted back. One thing I learned, DONT EVER BEEN WARDED, AGAIN! It's painful to be there, seriously. Everytime warded rase pressure amat. But till now I'm stressed. I hope at least I can stand on my foot for few hours without having that terrible pain inside my brain. I do hope, but from Allah everything comes and and only to Him it goes.

Luckily my mum was'nt always at home which she cannot predict how pale I am (even she did ask when i just lying flat all the day, i did just say im tired driving alone). Alhamdulillah she cannot detect how suffer I am right now, nothinng could be eat, cannot get up for long and rarely talk. I did not say she abandoned me, she did care to me very much until I am very much worried to tell her that I'm sick. I will inform her, but not now..

Along the line until now, I pray that Allah will give me strength (which decrease and decrease right now..), provide me path to hold on and take the pain out of my soul. I really hope so as I have many more things to do. And the most important thing, I don't want my mum to see me sick. I wanted to be in a good health to help her.

For those people who blame me since yesterday, THANK YOU for the pressure you give me when I am still in the ward. THANK YOU for the'nice' words even though you did not know anything...ah..I am very mad to you all guys. Yes I am. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I dont care who you are, but if you are really human, you will think of my conditions at that particular time before your word goes out!

AstaghfiruLLah.....

Ya Allah, for at least, please makes me bearable to the pain. Please makes me able to walk, I dont care if the pain still goes on, but at least, I hope I am able to get up. Please Ya Allah, aku pohon dengan sangat...pohon dengan sangat..la hau la wa la quwwata illa billah..
I know I always ask for many things Ya Allah, but for this time..i reall hope I can get up as usual. Please, please, please....ameen..


p/s : DO forgive me, everyone..memang i dun wanna tell anyone i'm warded, but then still spread out, do forgive me as it did not come straight away from me myself.